it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
