is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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