I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
