Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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