Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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