Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
