Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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