Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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