I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
