Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So vagazzling was a success
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
