What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
