the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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