Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
