So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
