I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
