I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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