god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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