and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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