I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
