I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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