Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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