I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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