idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
