Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
