Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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