He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
