You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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