i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
