Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
