I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
