I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
