Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I lost the right to judge tonight
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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