If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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