did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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