I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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