How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
no, he came in my armpit
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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