o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
