M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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