I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
