If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
