Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
