Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
