First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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