jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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