why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
