Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
