just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
