you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
