guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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