omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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