I wish I could teleport
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
