Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
