How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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