shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
