Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
