Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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