Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
