Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
