Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
