dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
