don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
