He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
