I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
