Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
