it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
