Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
