It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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