You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
smell my finger.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
