Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
