dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
