Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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