My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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