i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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