I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
