Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
